Self-harm

It might be that you have come to this page because you feel like you might harm yourself right now, or you are having overwhelming thoughts of doing so. Please reach out for help here:

• Text SHOUT to Shout’s text crisis support line on 85258
• Ring the Samaritans on 116 123
• Ring HOPELINEUK on 0800 068 4141 (children and young people under 35)

If you feel like you may attempt suicide or you are worried you have seriously hurt yourself you can:

• Call your nearest NHS Walk-In Centre
• Tell someone you trust and ask them to call 999
• Go to your nearest Accident and Emergency (A&E)
• Contact your GP Practice and ask for an urgent appointment with a doctor

What is self-harm? 

Self-harm is when a person hurts themselves on purpose. This is usually because they are trying to cope with very painful, difficult and overwhelming feelings. They may have had distressing experiences. Sometimes it can be really hard to put these feelings and experiences into words.

There are lots of different types of self-harm. On this page, we will be focusing on self-harm where somebody physically hurts themselves. Some examples of this include:

• Cutting
• Overdosing
• Burning/scalding
• Picking/scratching skin
• Pulling hair
• Banging head
• Biting
• Bruising

Some people might try self-harm once and others might do it again because it brings them relief. This can mean they get used to it as a way to cope. It can also become hard to stop because people might feel guilty or ashamed and find it difficult to reach out for help.

When somebody self-harms, it may start to feel like this is their only way of coping with these feelings, but it isn’t. It is very important to know that self-harm only brings temporary relief. It doesn’t stop or help the problems somebody has. It can put a person’s life in danger. If you are self-harming, you can be helped and supported to find new ways of coping.

Why do people self-harm?

There are many different reasons why people might self-harm, and these reasons might change each time it happens. People often start self-harming due to something stressful or upsetting that’s going on in their life. They might be dealing with lots of intense thoughts and feelings, and hurting themselves might feel like the only way to let those feelings out. Or they might feel numb and want to hurt themselves so that they can feel something.

For some people, it can be a way of:

• expressing a feeling that they find hard to say
• reducing or releasing overwhelming emotional feelings or thoughts
• gaining a sense of control
• to help regain feeling when experiencing numbness and disconnection
• punishing themselves for feelings or experiences
• getting somebody to notice that they need help
• getting somebody to show their care for them
• hurting themselves rather than other people
• managing suicidal thoughts and feelings

Some people aren’t sure about the reason why they are self-harming. If you feel this way you might feel confused and unsure what to do. Working out why you self-harm can take time. It may be something you have never thought about before, and for many people self-harm just seems to happen and it’s not clear why. Remember, there is help out there and you are not alone. With help, you might be able to identify your triggers and find other ways of managing your feelings.

Here are some ideas for starting to understand your self-harm:

Think back to the first time you self-harmed – what was happening? How did you feel in your body physically and emotionally? What difference did self-harm make?

Use your urges to think about whether there are any patterns of feeling or events that happen around the same time. For example, it could be that you are in a particular place, reminded of a place or a person, or faced with a situation you feel you can’t cope with. It could even be a mixture of many things.

Who self-harms?

People of all ages and backgrounds self-harm. It can affect anyone. There has been research done about self-harm that helps us to know that having difficult life experiences and circumstances can make people more likely to self-harm. For example:

• Relationship problems
• Bereavement
• Being socially isolated
• Having problems with money or debt
• Experiences of bullying
• Experiences of abuse
• Living with physical health conditions
• Difficulties with drug and alcohol use
• Experiencing big life changes
• Living with a diagnosed mental health condition
• LFBTQIA+ people, especially those experiencing homophobia, transphobia, biphobia
• Neurodivergent people, especially when their needs are not being met
• Global majority people experiencing racism

How can somebody stop self-harming?

Recovery often takes time and stopping self-harm can be really hard. Even if a person wants to, they might not feel able to stop straight away. Sometimes it can take time to find new ways to cope, and that’s normal. Sometimes people will stop and then find themselves self-harming again. The term for this is ‘relapse’ and, if this happens to you, don’t forget you are making amazing progress and this is part of your journey.

Sometimes making some changes to your daily routine can help improve your mood. Try to:

• Make sure you get enough sleep
• Make sure you are eating and drinking regularly
• Try to do something active, such as going for a walk or a bike ride
• Try to spend some time relaxing, such as watching favourite tv shows, listening to music or being creative
• Spend time connecting with others
• Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend – think about the advice and support you would give someone else if you heard they were struggling

Over time and with practice, people can find others ways to cope. There are lots of strategies and techniques to try depending on the situation and how somebody feels.

If you feel angry, you could try:

• Hitting cushions
• Throwing ice at the floor or a wall
• Squeezing ice
• A fast walk or running
• Shouting and screaming
• Tearing up paper and throwing it

If you feel sad you could try:

• Listening to calming music, or calming things such as rain sounds on an app
• Put on comfortable clothes and curl up under a duvet or blanket
• Hug a soft toy or stroke a pet
• Watch a comforting show on television, or something that makes you laugh
• Allow yourself to cry if you feel the urge to do so

If you feel numb, empty, overwhelmed or unreal, try some grounding exercises. These can help bring you back to the ‘here and now’ and regain feeling:

• Look around the room, notice the colours, the people, the shapes of things
• Listen to and really notice the sounds around you: the traffic, voices, washing machine, music etc
• Notice your body, the boundary of your skin, how your clothes feel on your skin, movement in your hair as you move your head, really feel the chair or floor supporting you – how that feels in your feet, your legs, your body
• Stand up and put your feet firmly on the ground, move about, stretch, stamp your feet, jump up and down, dance, run on the spot, rub your arms and legs, clap your hands, walk, remind yourself where you are right now
• Use 5,4,3,2,1: Think about 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch (and touch them), 2 things you can smell or like the smell of, and 1 slow, deep breath. Smell or taste something strong like mints, lemon, or perfume.

The TIPP technique is another method that you can use to cope with overwhelming emotions and reduce distress in the moment:

T – Temperature

Try changing your body temperature by splashing your face with water or holding an ice cube.

I – Intense exercise

Try sprinting, cycling or doing a workout.

P – Paced breathing

Breathe in for four seconds, breathe out for 7 seconds. Keep doing this for at least 2 minutes.

P – Progressive muscle relaxation

Tense and relax your muscles in pairs, i.e. start with both your arms, then your legs etc.

Create a safety plan

Some people find it really helpful to create a safety plan that they can use when they have the urge to self-harm. This could include:

• Signs that mean you might be close to self-harming
• Some coping strategies you find helpful
• How family or friends can support you and get you extra help to stay safe
• Contact details of your doctor and other support services.

Once you’ve made the plan, you can keep it somewhere where you can easily find it, such as in your wallet or bag.

Getting help

Telling somebody about your self-harm can feel really scary. You might be worried that people won’t understand or will judge you. Try to tell someone you trust as soon as you feel ready to reach out. This could be a member of your family, your parents, your carers, a teacher, your doctor, a school nurse, or pastoral support in school. Think about how you’d feel most comfortable telling them – it could be sitting down face to face, when driving in the car, talking over the phone, messaging or writing them a letter. Opening up is important. It can get you the support and help you need to better understand your self-harm and find ways to manage it. Managing your self-harm is much easier when you have the support of people who are trained to help you. Schools, GPs and other adults can make referrals to different services such as counselling and Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services.

Access details of more crisis support services